Big Ed's Big Adventure

 Let me tell you about a really good buddy of mine...I'll just call him Big Ed! Big Ed and I were roommates for many years until I got married. For some reason my wife didn't want Big Ed to live with us...Hindsight being 20-20 I probably should have kept Big Ed and...Oh nevermind. 

Big Ed was of German descent and he looked it, he had a very German first,, middle,, and last name and he was a Jr. he was about 6'2" with blonde hair and blue eyes and he was pushing 300lbs, that's why he was called Big Ed. 

Big Ed loved to ask people if they would like to know what his Father did during WWII and of course everyone would say yes and he would tell them, "He was dropping bombs the Motherland". Big Ed's Father was a Bombardier on a B-52 bomber.

Big Ed had a few jobs in his time and he love to tell the story of the time he was a Courier and he was transporting human tissue. It seems that the tissue was in a cooler filled with dry ice. It was a cool day so Big Ed was driving with the windows closed and the heater on. After he picked the cooler up somewhere south of the Atlanta Airport he headed to Alpharetta to complete the drop off. About 10 minutes into the trip he started to feel a little light headed and a little sick to his stomach. The light headedness got worse and he thought he was going to pass out so he made it to the side of the road and stopped and barely got the door open and he fell out of the car on to the ground. He was just a little north of the airport on I-85. 3 or 4 cars pulled over to see if he needed help but after he laid still next to his car for a few minutes he started feeling better and told everyone he was fine and sent them away. Big Ed shook it off and was back in the car and was heading to Alpharetta. As he got on to Highway 400 he started to feel lighthearted again and it came on pretty fast this time and he barely got the car stopped before he got his door open and he blacked out. He didn't really know how long he was out but when he woke up there were about 30 people standing around him and a paramedic had an oxygen mask over his nose. He started feeling much better and was about ready to jump back in his car but the police that were there ask a few questions and he told them the whole story. One of the paramedics called him over and said I see the trouble sir. Somehow the lid came off the cooler and with all the windows he had been breathing the carbon dioxide gas from the dry ice. The paramedic said he was lucky to be alive. 

Big Ed made sure the lid on the cooler was on extra tight and kept a window open the rest of the trip.

Children will not be bored, they will entertain themselves

 A few days ago I talked about living on Brookcrest Cir. in Decatur GA and what a steep driveway we had near the top of a very long and very steep hill. I'm gonna tell you what fun you can have with a steep driveway and a long steep hill. We had no cell phones or laptops or tablets or for that matter no internet so our mean parents forced us to play outside, can you imagine that? 

We found things to do to entertain ourselves and had a real good time doing it. Let me tell you about one of the things we did. We would ride anything on wheels, bikes, skateboards, large Tonka trucks, skates, strollers and Flexible Flyers, and even at least 1 minibike.

We had a ball rolling down my driveway on everything I just mentioned. After a while we got bored with just riding down my driveway so we came up with something new. Somebody came up with a used tire and with that we thought the possibilities were endless. We came up with a new game called Dodge Tire. One at a time the rider would start about 2 houses above mine and would ride whatever they had down the big hill but the twist was someone would be in my steep driveway with the tire and try to time it just right and try to knock the person that was riding into the street. That all sounds well and good and easy to do but it was not. We were all pretty young and had not learned much about geometry or gravity yes so we almost always missed the rider but when we did connect it was a GLORIOUS THING! 

Out of nowhere someone showed up to play with a truck tire. Now this tire was nearly twice the size of the car tire we were using and as bloodthirsty as we were we decided it would be unsafe to use the truck tire on children. 

We started a new game but it didn't last very long and I will explain why. First of all I had no idea where these tires came from we were right in the middle of a very nice neighborhood with nice houses and fine tried lawns and no junkyards within at least 10 miles but I digress. 

This new game went like this, the person was still in my driveway with the car tire and the other person would start the truck tire a couple of houses up and start the tire rolling. We had a plan if we failed to hit the truck tire. You see there was someone posted in the street below my house to stop the truck tire incase it got by the car tire...The first try was a miss by the car tire and the truck tire was picking up speed and the guy who's job it was to stop the truck tire chickened out and dove out of the way and at that point there was NOTHING anyone could do but stop and watch...We're talking about a big heavy truck tire rolling straight down a long steep with nothing in the way...Except the house at the bottom of the hill. It was lined up perfectly and the tire hit the curb and bounced one time in the yard then onto the front porch then right in the middle of the front door knocking the door and the frame into the middle of the living room floor. There was a stunned silence at the top of the hill then all at once it was like watching a cartoon where everyone runs in the air for 2 seconds before we could move but when we did you could here front doors of every kid out there slamming shut as we ALL went home. This was about 55 years ago and I'm assuming the statue of limitations has run out on this case. Kids left alone will not be bored they will entertain themselves.

Riding a Rocket on Wheels

 We moved to Brookcrest Cir in Decatur, Georgia in the summer before I turned 6 years old in September. The reason I remember that is because the cut off date to start 1st grade was September 1st and I was born September 4th. I'm not sure what kind if promises or threats or lies my Mom and Dad told the school board but they get me in 1st grade 361 days before I was supposed to be there, that being said I was almost always the youngest at every grade level.

Brookcrest Cir. Had a part that was a long steep hill that would dead-end into another cross road. This was a very typical 1960's neighborhood with typical split level and 2 story homes with 1/3 to 1/2 acre lots. We had a 4 bedroom 2 bath split level house and we also had a VERY steep driveway and we were almost at the top of Brookcrest Cir. 

The neighborhood was full of kids in fact I can only think of a couple of houses that didn't have kids. The kids ranged in age from about 2 or 3 up through High school and truly every age in-between. 

It seemed that everyone had something to ride and I was no exception I had a bike and a death machine called a Flexible Flyer. It was a sled with wheels and no breaks. I think back now and wonder if my parents had a HUGE life insurance policy on me. I would ride that thing down my steep driveway and crash into the curb across the street and I would measure how far I would fly into the neighbors yard. One day I did something I had been told not to do many times. I started at the top of Brookcrest Cir and I headed down the hill, now the hill was about 150 yards long from where I started so I had plenty of time to pickup speed. About halfway down and I'm guessing about 35mph at that point I noticed a very familiar turning  and heading up the hill...It was my Dad.

I passed him going down and I couldn't think of anything else to do at that point so I waved... He waved back.

When I got home I had completely worn the toes out of my tennis shoes trying to stop, I mean you could see socks on both feet. 

My Dad called me to the den when I came home and said, "Phil...I saw a little boy riding your flyer down the street on the way home and I know it wasn't you because I told you to NEVER ride that thing down that big hill. I hope that little boy didn't get hurt. You be careful who you let ride that thing...Do we have an understanding about that"? I agreed I understood. 

A few days later my Flyer just disappeared for no reason...To this day I still wonder where it went.

Gotta love Willie Nelson

 Now for a Willie Nelson story...About 5 or 6 years ago when I was driving a limousine full time I would occasionally drive celebrities and this night I went to Chastain Park and picked up Willie Nelson, his bass player and his harmonica player after their concert to take them to the Ritz Carlton in Buckhead. 

I was driving a Ford Expedition, no limousine and I was at the right place at the appointed time. First out was the harmonica player with 2 cases full of harmonicas, how do I know? Because he showed me. He said Willie would be a few minutes because he likes to take a shower after a show outside. Next came the bass player followed by Willie. The bass player sat in the front next to me and the harmonica player in the back passenger side and Willie was behind me.

Willie works on his Farm Aid Concert all year round. These concerts raise money to help Farmers that are in trouble for one reason or the other due to natural disasters or many others reasons to keep their head above water in bad times. Willie is very much hands on with everything involved on putting the concert on including getting the acts to preform and apparently that day was one of those days. All was quiet in the car for about 2 minutes when the harmonica player ask Willie if he had ever gotten back with KC as in KC and the Sunshine Band about the Farm Aid show. Willie responded with "yeah I talked to that Sum Bitch this afternoon". Then there was a short pause and the harmonica player said...Well what did he say? Willie said "That Sum Bitch told me he would do it for $50,000, I looked into the phone like he could see me and I said Man we are raising money to help farmers in need we ain't paying any performers then he said he would come for $50,000, then I yelled into the phone YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH YOU WEREN'T WORTH $50,000 WHEN YOU WERE POPULAR AND PEOPLE KNEW WHO YOU WERE, then I slammed the phone down and broke the handset". Then the bass player said, " So I guess KC's not coming? We all had a good laugh after that.

#WillieNelson

The Lewis Grizzard you might not know

 I'm sure there are some of you that don't know that Lewis Grizzard and my Father, Ludlow Porch were Step-brothers. Lewis Grizzard Sr. married Ludlows Mother making Lewis Jr. My Step-uncle. Anyway I have told this story in private but never on in my blog so here we go

I worked for Lewis for a few years in the early to mid 80's. What I did for Lewis was...Well anything he needed/wanted me to do. Lewis's career was really starting to rock at this point, his newspaper column was in print 3 days a week and he was syndicated in several hundred newspapers across the country and that caused him to be in great demand as an after dinner speaker. He was invited to dinner at the Whitehouse and was even on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson but before he was on Designing Women. He found himself in high demand and that was good because that meant more money.

Lewis didn't like to fly but he did but flying was always Plan B so he bought a Chevy conversion van with all of the Bells and whistles including a Queen size bed, a built-in cooler and a remote control television. Lewis was doing well over 50 after dinner speeches a year and we had a 4 hour rule. If we could drive home in 4 hours after the speech we would take the van and we took the van a lot. There was a few things that Lewis loved most of a...Miller Lite beer, Vodka & tonic with lime, fried chicken, and last but certainly not least was young ladies...Before you get your boxers in a bunch I'm not talking about children these girls were ALL over 18 and I know that as a fact. One time Lewis described the perfect girl for him:

1. She should be in her early to mid 20's 

2. She should have gone to a SEC College majoring in Home economics. 

3. She should have been or at least tried out to be cheerleader as some point in her life.

4. This was a big one...She must not mind if he cheats on her.

Simple as that.

I said all of that to say this: This happened on a random Saturday not in UGA football season. 

We were at Lewis's house on Burdette Rd. in North Buckhead about 1:00 or 2:00PM and Lewis came I and said, "I've got a couple of girls coming over in about an hour so listen for the doorbell"

I said Lewis I wish you had said something when it involves me and he quickly interrupted me and said this doesn't involve you, they're both for me...But I did use your name and I ask why use my name? He said in case there's a raid I can't afford to have my name out in the public like that. I said I guess it's okay as long as you use YOUR credit card and he did.

After 3 or 4 hours they all 3 emerged from upstairs. I said I'm going to pickup Chinese food for dinner and I got everyone's order and off I went. 

Once I got back and we were eating I was having Pot Stickers and one of the girls ask what that was and I explained it was steamed pork dumplings and ask if she would like one and she said very quickly "Oh I can't have that, I'm Jewish".

Lewis, the other girl and myself all looked at each other and busted out laughing and I ask "So you can't have pork but it's okay for you to come here with another girl and spend 4 hours doing God knows whatever with a complete stranger over and over again". She started laughing with us and guess what? She likes Pot Stickers.

#LewisGrizzard

Hopping a freight train.

 I'm guessing I was about 14 at the time because I was still riding the bus back and forth to school. This was one of those days. It was one of those warm spring days and I was on the bus sitting  next to a buddy that most of my Lakeshore people will know, Danny Ingram. Anyway Danny suggested I get off the bus at his house so we could mess around...14 year old boys mess around a lot. So I got off at his house about 750 feet from Downtown Red Oak, Georgia, his house was directly on Roosevelt Highway. We went inside and told his Mom we were there and I called my house to say I would be late, I only lived about a mile from Danny straight down Will Lee Road after the big curve where it changed from Ben Hill Road to Will Lee Road...My Red Oak people will know what I'm talking about. 

We had as much fun inside as we could so we moved outside to see what we could get into. Directly across the street from Danny's house was the Railroad tracks and we thought the coolest thing we could do was to put pennies on the tracks so a train would mash them flat and we could see a train coming. We ran over and put 3 or 4 pennies on the track cause the train was coming...It was coming sloooow. The Engineer yelled at us to get away from the tracks but we ignored his request. Get the picture this was a VERY slow train. There were a few tanker cars about 30 automobile carrying cars and about 30 boxcar. 

Thats when we saw it, an open boxcar and it was like divine intervention because we both thought and did the exact thing at the exact time without speaking a word...Yep we both took off running for the open boxcar and we jumped and pulled ourselves in laughing so hard we were crying. The train was still going very slow and we said we will jump out in a minute and walk back to Danny's house. There we were standing in the open boxcar waving at the cars on Roosevelt Highway and having the time of our life until we realized the train was now going too fast for us to jump out without getting hurt.

We were still having a ball and we thought when we got to Fairburn it would slow down and we could jump out and walk home...Nope if anything it was going faster. At this point we were making plans on how to get home from Miami. 

We were moving right along and still waving at everyone we saw until we got to Palmetto when we waved at a Palmetto policeman. He was heading north and we were heading south. He threw his blue lights on and did a very fast U-Turn and he rode along beside us for a couple of miles then he took off to the front of the train. After about 5 minutes the train started to slow down and we decided it was almost time to jump and run for it but before it got slow enough the police car was right beside us. He was out of his car when we stopped and motioned for us to come to him and we did. He said "Just where the Hell did you think you were going"?

We didn't have a good answer. He put us in the back of his car and we went to the Palmetto police station. We thought they were gonna lock us up but they didn't. Danny called his Mother and she came down and picked us up. Not a word was said on the way back to Red Oak and that was the last time I got off the school bus at Danny's house.

The next day at school Danny told me the policeman told his Mom that he had a hard time getting the train to stop and we were almost to Newnan before it stopped. Oh the trials and tribulations of a 14-year-old boy. I'm guessing the mashed pennies are still there if anyone wants to go look.

Who stole Christmas?

 It was the late 90's I think and my girls would have been about 6 and 4 or close to that. It had been a good year so we went a little overboard on Christmas that year and I'm guessing every parent had done that at least once in your kids growing up.

We had lots of presents wrapped under the tree for family and friends so that we would make the rounds Christmas day to deliver presents and visit and eat. 

There were probably 40 or so wrapped presents and Santa had not showed up yet. We had a hard time getting the girls to go to bed. It took 2 cups of hot chocolate and 3 stories and giving in and letting each girl open 1 present each.

My wife at the time picked the presents and strangely enough the girls got new pajamas, red flannel I seem to remember.

Anyway it was close to midnight before they got to sleep, early on we considered Benadryl but decided against it.

It was cold and I had to go to the storage shed so Santa could make an appearance. Like I said it had been a good year and we bought WAY too much stuff. Not thinking straight there was still stuff to put together also. To make a LONG story a little shorter we got to bed about 4:00AM. We had the alarm set for 6:30 thinking we would still be up before the girls. My wife got up to start the coffee and I'm sitting on the edge of the bed when I heard it...An ear piercing scream from the living room. I'm thinking a bear got into the house or Charles Manson had escaped and was holding my wife at knife point but it was worse than either of those. As I made the corner at full speed into the living room my wife yelled "We've been robbed" and standing there before me was a very well lit fully decorated tree with nothing underneath it. EVERYTHING was gone, the Grinch himself could not have been more complete. Still thinking we had been robbed we rushed to make sure the girls were okay. We got to their bedroom and we had a hard time getting the door open but once we got in there was a sight to behold. There were boxes and paper and ribbon and bows and more boxes and toys and clothes and more paper EVERYWHERE with 2 little girls right in the middle of it sound asleep. 

They opened EVERYTHING and took it out of the box. Their stuff...Our stuff...And everybody else's stuff. I started laughing but not my wife, she found zero humor in it...Well we did get everything back in their original boxes I think and everything else went as planned for the day...Truly a Christmas to remember.

Fire station pole slider

 I may have told this story before and if I have I'm telling it again.

I guess I was about 7 or 8 at the time and this would have been BLP, in the time-line that would be "Before-Ludlow Porch. At the time my Dad was just Bob Hanson, mild mannered Claims adjuster and owner of Hanson Claims Service. Anyway at times during the Summer I would go with my Dad to work and we would just hang out at his office in downtown Decatur and I would spend most of the day playing on the elevator or running up and down the stairs because his office was on the 8th floor and it was just fun. On one particular day we were on the road and whenever we got south of town it always seemed to be around lunchtime and we would almost always find our way at my Grandmother's house and we would eat like Kings! There was rarely any leftovers and if there were the REAL King of the house would get that...That being Nick the black and brown dachshund that I'm not sure my grandmother didn't love more than us.

After the feast we would end up parked at the Headquarters Station of the East Point Fire Department in beautiful downtown East Point. We would stop there because my Uncle Tommy Kidd was the Fire Chief of the Department and we were a close family and it would have been rude not to stop by.

We were all standing out front and all of the bay doors were open and as any 7 or 8 year old would do I was very busy eyeing that beautiful tall brass pole that went all the way from the sleeping quarters upstairs to the ground floor we were standing. I got my nerve up and I ask my Uncle Tom if I could slide down the pole. He looked down at me as if I had just ask if I could touch the Mona Lisa. Then he bent way down and put both of his hands on my shoulders and we were eye to eye about 3 inches apart and he said "If I let you do that you have to give me your word that you will NEVER tell anyone that I let you because the last thing I need is to have 2 or 3 hundred 7 or 8 year old boys lining up around this building to slide down that pole". He must have thought I had WAY more friends than I had and most of them lived in Decatur at the time. I promised I would never say a word to ANYONE about it and I didn't until a few years ago and I figured that since he had passed away and they torn that building down and the pole is long gone I could tell the story. In the last 15 minutes we were there I bet I ran up those stairs and slid down that pole 50 times. That would be the only day I would do that... Precious Memories, how they linger.